Valentine's Day ideas

So I figured everyone was going to be jumping on the Valentine's day bandwagon for posting so figured that I'd share my thoughts/ideas also..

Do I think we should celebrate? Hell, yes! Why not enjoy a day when candy is an awesome gift? Chocolate-anytime, anywhere! Lol

Do I think that we shouldn't celebrate those that we love during the other 364 days of the year? Of course I think that we should make time for each other during the entire year but our schedules get filled with games, playdates, and meetings.

I also think though that we are usually setting ourselves- and those we love- up for disappointment by having the big expectations for this Hallmark holiday.

This is what I encourage you to try:

1. Talk to your spouse/significant other with plenty of time to spare and have a spending limit of around $20 if you do gifts. Ladies- this won't get you roses but really-flowers are an "out-of-the-blue" gift. Wouldn't it be better to get them when you have NO idea that they are coming? Flowers on V-day are soooo expensive anyway!

2. Plan an in-house dinner for the two of you to plan and make together. Try a new recipe, but cooking together can be quite the starter- and you won't have to worry about overcrowded restaurants. If you can't find a sitter- feed the kids a frozen pizza and fix yours AFTER they go to bed.

3. Turn on the music after dinner- NOT a movie! Play a card game, dance, whatever- but DO NOT TURN ON THE TV! It'll get the conversation going if you are actively doing something together- instead of tuning everything out. Isn't being with the one that you love really what V-day is for? I have also found quite a few "20 questions" activities for married couples online- some are really funny!

4. During the rest of the year- plan a little rendezvous for just the two of you, schedule monthly date nights, and take a mental health day from work every once in a while to just stay home together.

Happy Valentine's Day to You! XOXO

~Big hugs to my followers
melissa

Oh and by the way- I've got to give a shout out to my husband! I love you Babe!!

Different Roads

Asking for help-why is it so difficult? 

Maybe because we have been told so many times that there isn't anything wrong and get labeled "drama queens" for being unfortunate enough to have had struggles in our lives. 

Why is a woman considered weak if she quietly says, "Hey there-I am having just a really crappy time right now.  I might cry a little, I will probably overreact to anything you say-even if you don't see how it can be misconstrued as being a negative comment, so could you please be understanding?"?  

Why do some women look at the person, who is opening up to us and being honest, and say, "What a drama queen! Get over it already!"?  

Is that how you would respond to your friend, fellow student, or coworker?

 

What if the one that is hurting doesn't want to share their pain?  Does that make their pain less significant? 

Every person in this world has their own road to travel, hundreds-maybe even millions of bricks will be passed by each soul- if God willing.  No two people will take the exact same course.  Each will take turns on their own, developing as they grow, and then, hopefully, building a bridge to connect and share their road with others by creating their own family.

While on the road each travels in our life, we have struggles-broken hearts, loss, chaos, illness.  No other person knows our struggles as we do.  Even if they have been shared, they haven't been lived by any other human being in the exact same way.

Think of this if you come across a coworker/classmate that seems unusually quiet, or if you see a tear fall down their cheek.  Don't always ask, "What's wrong?" because they may not want to share, or talking more about it could be difficult for them. 

Give them a tissue and say, "Anything that I can do?".   Just that simple act will show them that you are there if they need someone.  That, really, is all they need.

But hey-I'm not a psychologist, no PhD for this girl.  I'm just a girl that has lived this crazy life experience full of ups and downs, broken hearts, and also more joy than anyone has ever deserved. 

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa

Dealing with Disappointment

I have never really understood what the fuss was all about.. What really IS so bad about giving all kids a trophy for participating in a sport?  My big "wake-up call" came this week.

Thinking that it would boost their spirits after a no-win soccer season, when C was in grade school, the parents bought medals for every player. It was all for fun...right?  

Or were we teaching them that no one deserved to stand out? Or even worse-that it would be selfish to be recognized because it would hurt the other players' feelings?  

This isn't just apply to sports, but to all things that kids have to try out for-plays, band and vocal competitions..  What about when they apply for colleges and scholarships?  There aren't an unlimited number of spots available.

Why do we not congratulate those that shine? Why do we not build them up?  We instead say, well it was really difficult for "so and so" to not achieve what you did, so could you not say anything about it around them?

If we only gave awards (even when they are younger) to the winning teams, to the MVPs, to the top Artists, and gave them in front of their competitors, maybe it would give the others that motivation to work harder.  Or maybe..they will find what their own niche really is.. 

I have learned that when we don't start when they are young, we are setting them up for disappointment later when they don't get the trophy, award, spot, role, etc..  And-they will have no idea how to deal with it.  Our kids haven't learned (neither have we) how to deal with disappointment when they don't do well.  

Instead, all of the anger gets thrown at the person that earned that coveted spot on the list.  The person who should be proud of their accomplishments is then, no longer proud, but ashamed.  They begin to believe they are selfish to even think of being excited about it because someone else is so upset.

T has tried out multiple times for different musical roles or choir spots, and hasn't made them.  I've always explained to her that maybe that one just wasn't for her.. Maybe it was meant for someone else.. 

We've never allowed her to reassign blame to anyone else either when she doesn't make it.  It goes both ways, we tell her.  You can be proud when you do well and accept that accomplishment as your own, but if it doesn't go well, you can't pass the blame on the coach, teacher, weather, etc.. 

As parents, it is our job to teach our children by example.  Don't blame the kid that got the scholarship, is playing the entire game, or earned that spot on the roster.  Look at ways your child can improve and encourage them to try new things.  Let them know that it is okay to be sad, talk about it, then move on.  If we are stuck in it, they will be too.  

I've seen disappointment on my children's faces, and it is heartbreaking.  Let's learn how to lift them up from that sadness, instead of wallowing in it with them.  

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa

Friday Favorites- A Variety

A few of my all-time most favorite things ever are in this very cool collage! 

 

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa

Top 5 List.. Pet Peeves Anyone?

Much needed ranting is ahead, beware..   

Everyone has pet peeves.. EVERYONE does. Here are mine.  Feel free to comment and share your own!

5.   Just flip the switch- Seriously people, turn off the light when you leave a room.

4.  Secrets- Don't whisper and talk around people in a way that makes someone else feel left out.
 
3.  The bum bum bum that comes from the bass in a car stereo blaring late at night outside your house.. and you live in a subdivision.. Common sense-not so common.

2.  Parents not forcing their children to accept responsibility for their own actions and decisions- Can I get a HALLELUJAH?  Parents are actually doing their children a disservice by not allowing their children to learn that sometimes it is (OMG HOLD YOUR BREATH) their own responsibility for their failures and accomplishments-not the responsibility of the teachers, coaches, parents, etc.. 

1.  Pity parties on Facebook- Pick up a phone book, look up a therapist and CALL ONE!  Posting a "Woe is me" status or picture ever 15 minutes actually encourages others to avoid you instead of helping you.


Sorry for the negativity, I really needed to vent a bit.  Thanks for letting me...

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa

P.S. Good News to share! I need to congratulate my girl T for getting the role of Chava in her high school's production of Fiddler on the Roof! She worked her A$$ off and deserves it!