Wednesday, April 24, 2013

My Favorite KoolAid

A very wise woman I know, described her different phases of life like this: during her childhood she made the KoolAid her Mom wanted; after she was married, she was stuck with her husband's favorite KoolAid; then made what her son wanted. Story goes on, but after a nasty divorce, she was in the grocery store and realized she had absolutely NO IDEA what her favorite flavor of KoolAid was-She'd never made it for herself!

Around the time I turned 35, I realized that I had lost something. To be honest-I had no idea who "I" was anymore..

Separate from anyone else, if I were to introduce myself to someone-without saying I was a wife and Mom-Who was I? It was an extremely hard realization to come to.. There was a time period that I even mourned the loss of my "self"..

Insert backstory-
My husband and I met during my sophomore year of high school through an after-school job. He went to school in a nearby town. We didn't date until my second year of college, found out we were expecting soon after, moved in together and I was due with T on our one-year dating anniversary.. Yep-that fast.. Anyway, we were married less than a year after her birth. Reason for my backstory- to show how I've never lived on my own. I will definitely encourage my daughters to have time out on their own-because I believe a person learns so much about them self when not responsible for a husband and kids, yet are responsible for themselves (no longer living with Mom and Dad).

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying-I do NOT regret anything-not one second-none of it. Being a mother has been the most rewarding experience-my daughters fill my life with so much joy-it overflows!

It's just that I didn't know who I was.. What I like to do.. Where I like to shop.. I'm still learning, and it's been umm..an entertaining challenge...but I am proud of myself and how far I've come..

If you're reading this, nodding your head, and thinking, "Who am I?", just follow the advice a smart woman once gave.

Go to the store and find the KoolAid aisle, pick up one of every flavor, take them home and try them all out.

Find out what your favorite KoolAid is!

Big Hugs~
melissa

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Flatulence.. it happens..

17 years ago, I was about 4 months pregnant with my beautiful daughter T..
I ran into Walgreens for a birthday card to give a friend. I had been so sick, and it was great to finally feel like doing something. My belly wasn't showing yet because I'd been so sick, most people couldn't tell. Ok-back to my story..

So here I am at the Walgreens and feeling good- you know what I'm talking about ladies-the good feeling when you're finally getting over that first trimester uneasiness... Finally-feeling-like-putting-on-makeup-and-doing-your-hair-because-you-want-to-GOOD!

The guy in the checkout lane behind me was really nice-looking (hey-ladies-we still have eyes-we can look!) and anyway.. He's checking me out! I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm collected, I'm paying for the birthday card, then, as I'm walking out....

I'm no longer cool... Do you know why?? Why I wanted to run back home, wash my face and my hair of any trace that I'd done anything so maybe-I could forget my total embarrassment????

As I was walking away from the register, a very loud-"bwwarrrrrpppppp" somehow came from me-it was a shock-a sudden act of terror from my body to my ego.. So as I continued walking away as if nothing had just exploded from me- as soon as I took a step outside- I heard peels of laughter..

Alright, alright, it was funny.. A lot funnier now, 17 years later, when I can look back and laugh wholeheartedly at my little..ummm..bodily indiscretion.

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Letter to 16-Year-Old Me

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Me,

Don't worry so much. Life's too short for worries.

Pray daily. God will bless you with more than you could ever deserve, even if it seems like He continues to take what you love away.

Enjoy every second that you spend with Mom. She won't live forever.

Hug Dad and tell him you are sorry. The stories someone told you were all lies, so don't waste time by being angry for things he's never done.

Be nice to your little brother. He will grow up to be your best friend and you'll wonder what you did without that close relationship with him.

Forgive everyone. Don't ever forget what they are capable of.

Love yourself - your body, intelligence, strength and compassion. You are beautiful, regardless of the scars and stretch marks to come.

Work hard. Don't give up and settle for less than you are worth.

Something horrible will happen to you. I won't tell you to avoid it because you will find strength that you've never known you were capable of, you won't allow yourself to be a victim for very long.

Be patient. Don't rush your life away.
Do what you are passionate about. You can complete anything that you set your mind to.

Give love freely. Don't hold others' past mistakes against everyone, it will keep you from the complete joy you can experience in life.

You ARE good enough. Don't let anyone get in your head, where they can make you think that you are aren't.

Regret nothing. Appreciate EVERYTHING!

Love,
Your Thirty-something-year-old Self

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa


Monday, April 15, 2013

I was reminded..

I'm sorry to have been missing for the last couple of months, times have been busy..  Every time I go to sit and have a moment to blog, someone needs the computer or I am finishing a project, etc., etc.
I enjoy volunteering my time for the school, and it can get pretty hectic.

..on the other hand.. I was reminded today that I needed to take this time out for myself, to carve it in- regardless of what else is going on, because I deserve it.  

My mind has been on replay today, conversations that I had with a coworker just replaying in my mind.. One specific conversation in which I'd told her about my love of writing and I read something to her that I'd written when the Sandy Hook tragedy happened last December.. 

She'd loved what I'd written and told me that I should do it-if I want to write-I should just do it!  So, I started my blog... and then didn't make time for it..

Today before work, I had to make a quick stop but I was a little early. Wasting time while parked in the parking lot, I pulled up Facebook.  My beautiful coworker's face came up on the screen with a note giving her year of birth and then "-2013". What? She hadn't been in the office for a week or two, and she'd been sick-I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd seen her.. My mind was just turning and turning-this could not possibly be true! A quick phone call to another coworker-one that works directly under her and found out that, in fact, it was.   

Needless to say, today was a day of shock as all who came into work found out more about this fight she fought silently and with pride, to protect us..  Our proud friend had been diagnosed with stage IV cancer just 6 weeks ago.  She'd been at work on and off through April 5, and told everyone but her direct supervisor that she was fine, just having some tests done.  

Someone noticed missing personal things from her office last week, so they called her and she just told them that she was fine, she'd be back, and "not to worry".  It's obvious now that she had come in after hours to clean out her office, just so her loved ones wouldn't have to..  

I feel honored to have had the privilege to work with this strong, brave, proud, God-loving wife and mother.  Anyone of faith that knew her, are positive that she is now Home with her Holy Father.  

Big hugs to my followers~
melissa